Well we found out at our Ultrasound on Wednesday that our babies
are...BOYS!!! We could not be more thrilled! Most Momo twins
are girls, so I just kind of expected girls, and the main thing we always wanted
is just healthy live babies at the end of this. That being said, what is more
perfect than having two daughters and then being blessed with two sons?!! A
perfectly even family! Mommy will have girl buddies later in life and Daddy will
have "his boys"! Ever since I found out I was having twins and extremely high
risk twins, I have felt like I am pregnant for the first time. Now, even more
so! It is a whole new experience. My pregnancy is different and will become
drastically different when I am on long bedrest in the hospital, I will have a
C-Section this time, I will have NICU babies, and I will bring home TWO BOYS! I
am so excited to plan out their nursery, buy little guy outfits and shoes, and
to have sons. James and I both said after that appointment that
suddenly we feel so rich, like we have everything money cannot buy
and man cannot choose! How cool.
Honestly, I really did not have any girl names I liked, so that stress is off of
me thank goodness! James' middle name is Nathan so we want to use James and
Nathan in the boys' names. Cole James will be one boy, and the other is still up
in the air, but how fun to get to use two names?! I am so happy for my husband.
He gets up for work at 5am and doesn't get home from work until 6pm every day,
comes home and does yardwork, helps me with the girls, and rarely gets to do
anything fun for himself. He never complains, and he will always do anything I
ask him to. He even watches the Bachelorette with me. (I would say he even
watches Teen Mom with me, but he loves it as much as I do...some chick shows are
not a sacrifice). While he is an amazing father to girls, he is a "guys guy"
and is so into sports and boy things. I am thrilled for him that he got his
boys, because he deserves it so much, plain and simple. He said it was the best
day of his life. I will forgive him that our wedding day wasn't, even though
because of that he has twin boys! Hehehe :)
One of the "privileges" if
you want to call it that, of having high risk twins, is frequent ultrasounds, so
we get to see our babies often. Most people don't find out what they are having
until after 20 weeks so I am really happy to know already since we literally
have to buy everything, make a nursery, and I only have 10 weeks left until I am
in the hospital. When we first got into the ultrasound, the tech told us she
wouldn't tell us what they are because it is so early, she said she never tells
that early in case if she is wrong. We were so bummed because the Doctor had
told us we should be able to find out. After chatting with her, she told us that
maybe when the Doctor came in he would look and tell us. He pulled up a baby,
and pointed at the screen and said, "guess what?" I thought, "here it is, girls!
James will be so outnumbered!" But he said, "Boys! See that on the screen? It's
boys, I don't even have to look at the other one because I know." I asked him,
"How sure are you?!!" He said, "Oh I'm pretty sure!" And then I said, "Are you
sure you aren't just seeing the other baby's foot?!" He assured me with a laugh
that it was not a foot, it was boy parts. He said that usually when a mistake is
made, it is that they think it is a girl but "she" actually has "her" legs
crossed in a way that hides "the goods". He said when they see a boy part, that
part is there so it's obvious. I HOPE HE IS RIGHT AT THIS POINT! I guess in 2
weeks we will get our for sure.
Along with the good news, came some bad
however. Our ultrasound was an hour and both the doctor and the tech looked in 2
and 3D (which was really cool to see!) for a membrane, one last hope of finding
one, but it is now 100% that there is no chance of one. To further confirm that
and to our dismay, you can already see that the babies' cords are all
twisted. We are only at 14 weeks, and viability is 24 weeks so we are just
hoping and praying that over the next 10 weeks as they move around and the cords
continue to twist and tangle, that they remain okay. The doctor said that there
have been many cases of Momo twins where the cords were so knotted but the
babies were born healthy, and worrying will do no good. I agree, and have tried
to just think positively and know that either way, God's will is what is best
and that is what I want. My faith has always given me strength and hope, and I
am so glad I can rest in that.
The babies are measuring exactly at 14
weeks which is what they are, so that is good, and they are both the same size,
which is also good. I will go back every 2 weeks for ultrasounds to check their
growth and be on the lookout for Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. After losing
8 pounds in the first trimester from all the sickness and vomiting, I finally
have gained back 4 pounds, even though the evenings are still miserable for me.
I am so glad to see the scale creeping up though, and this will be the only time
in my life you will hear me say that! So there is the good news, the big news,
and the bad news.
Onto other news,
sad but happy news, and the big changes; the first of our lives not being the
same anymore. James and I have been together for 12 years! A year or so into our
relationship, he got a puppy we named Daisy. A yellow lab who has been our
family member all this time. She is such a good dog, a true companion, and a
protector. We even made up a voice for her that we would talk in from time to
time, and if you would witness it you would think we are certifiably insane.
Upon finding out I
would spend 2 months in the hospital on bedrest, and James would be at work or
with me and the girls at that time, followed by a crazy next few months of trips
to the NICU and bringing home preemies, we decided that Daisy should be "pet
foster cared". We knew she wouldn't get any attention and just feeding her and
letting her out would get complicated. It will be a complicated time on so many
levels. A day or so after we decided this, I was telling my mother in law. She
said to tell a mutual friend, because they were looking for a dog like a yellow
lab. Ok God, I hear you! So after talking with the friend, she told me that yes
they are looking for a dog, but that they would love her too much to give her
back then and would we consider them adopting her?
After much
thought and discussion, we decided that this is a case of "if you love someone
then sometimes it is best to let them go." The only good reasons we could think
of for keeping her were selfish ones. Because we wanted her around, because we
would miss her so much, those kinds of things. I knew this family was one with
great compassion and they are "dog people" who would give Daisy all the
attention we just will not be able to through the bedrest and preemie time, as
well as just having 4 kids under 5 and two of them twin babies. Daisy deserves
the best because she is the best. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is
people getting pets just because they want them or because they are cute, and
then neglecting the pets needs. Dogs in cages, tied to chains, never petted,
never walked, yelled at for being in the way or for being naughty when all they
want is attention. All because people are selfish. Keeping Daisy, when she was
offered a loving home with lots of attention and affection, would have been
selfish. We had her for a lonnng time, this is not a case of us getting a pet
then deciding we didn't want it, which happens all too often. Nor was it a case
of, a baby is coming so the dog's gotta go...if you had told me two weeks ago
that tonight I would be dogless I would have said no way.
Tonight they came
to pick her up. She was so happy, jumped right in their car, and had her doggy
smile on. We made the agreement if she ever seems depressed, she will come back,
but I think she is in great hands and will have a very happy life. It was hard
however, all week knowing she was not going to be mine anymore. She is always by
my side, always laid by the bed when I napped, was my walking buddy, and
protector. But it wasn't about me. Our house has a security system, but there is
just something about having a dog. It is weird not having her bowls there, or
her bed there, or worrying about tripping over her, or her barking when someone
is at the door and waking the baby. Shoot, now when I spill food on the floor I
will have to clean it up instead of calling Daisy :( Who will eat my pizza crust
now? Things are a changin'...but I think it's all good, and obviously meant to
be.
Because
we are blessed with SO many wonderful people - family, friends, and strangers -
praying for us and encouraging us, and since I've always kinda wanted to blog
anyway...I thought now is my time! First of all, I want to remember this
journey, share the journey and it's highs and lows, and be able to tell the
story to the babies one day. Also, if people are praying, I would love for them
to know what to pray for because I know prayer is what will get us through,
nomatter what the outcome. This first blog is going to be kind of loonngg and
boring so I can explain what so many people have been asking...just what are
MoMo twins?
Before I get all technical on
you, I will share our pregnancy story from the beginning :) If you don't care
and just want to hear about what momo's are and get back to your facebook
stalking, then skip over the blue and start back up where it turns pink again.
We were not only NOT trying to get pregnant, we
were actively trying not to!!! One day I was feeling kind of nauseous and tired
and just not right. My friend had just had a baby that day, a baby that they
were told they would never have, a "miracle" baby so to speak. I thought it
might be a sign so I took one of the pregnancy tests I keep stocked in my
bathroom cabinet. (I may or may not be known to purchase lots of dollar store
pregnancy tests at a time and taking them monthly even when I know I am not
pregnant...and usually I am not, but hey, it's a dollar right?!) It was WAY to
early for the test to even turn positive. We are talking 50% of women get a
positive result 5 days early. This was like 10 days early, but I saw a faint
line appear. No. No way. Is it really there? No it's my eyes. No it's there.
Take another one. Ok, that one isn't positive. Wait. Yes, yes it is. Call
friend. Say it out loud. Send friend picture of test. Friend says its positive.
It's positive, all three are positive. Faint, but positive. I tell friend I bet
it's twins, I know it's twins, how else would I have gotten a positive result
this early? True, I said that, and repeatedly texted it to her too! So I am
shaking and processing this, tell Emma because I have to tell someone, and she
is so excited! I waited until James came home to tell him and he was really
excited too, had a man tear in his eye but don't tell him I told you. That night
I googled dollar store pregnancy tests and saw there were some that gave false
positives. Aha! That must be it, because James and I both had health class, and
my mom gave me "the talk". I know where babies come from. But we both had NO
idea when or how this occurred! We were TRYING NOT TO! I guess nothing stands in
the way of God's will! Without getting too personal, don't think
that "protection" and verrry careful calendar counting are 100% effective - you
might end up pregnant with twins :)
So, while I wasn't quite
ready for #3, I knew it was meant to be, and was thankful that we are fertile
myrtles, because I have a lot of friends struggling and spending oodles of cash
to try and get pregnant. I can't imagine, and I know how lucky I am to seemingly
get pregnant by holding my husbands hand. My sweet 4 year old Emma asking to
kiss my belly and grinning from ear to ear is enough to get you pretty pumped.
I was sick
with both Emma and Abigail when I was pregnant. I wasn't sick with my first baby
that I miscarried. So when the nausea hit hard, I at least knew this was a
healthy baby (but it has been no fun trying to take care of a house and my
daughters while I feel so yuck). I never vomited or lost weight like this with
the girls though, so again it crossed my mind I might be carrying twins. When I
went to the dr. for my first exam, she said that I was measuring larger than my
due date and that I might be further then I think. Then, I went downstairs for
my ultrasound - the only ultrasound I ever went to without James! When she took
me back she said jokingly, "so is it one or two in there?!" because a week
earlier I told her I swore I felt movement ALREADY. Laid back, as soon as it
popped up on the screen, I saw two heads, and the nurse said, "Um. You have
twins." Then we were quiet for a little and I said, "yep, that's what that looks
like to me!" The rest is a blur, I was so shocked and scared that I couldn't
even focus on the next few minutes of what was on the screen. I honestly wasn't
ready for ONE more and never thought I would have 4 kids! Maybe a foster kid one
day, but never four of my own. We weren't going to try for almost another year,
and I still have a baby! Abby is my baby, she is in diapers, she sleeps in a
crib, she needs me to hold her! Beyond that, the dr. told me they are high risk
because they are in the same sacs. I would need a C-section. I ran out to the
car and dialed James with shaking hands and told him and listened to him
giggle....what else do you do but giggle?!
As I drove I took glimpses at the
ultrasound picture and it didn't take long for me to fall in love with them and
the peace that passes understanding to overcome me, and while I was still
quivering, I just knew it was to be. I always have said I thought I would have
twins. I went to show my parents the picture at their jobs, and a woman at my
mom's work looked at me and said, "God has found favor in you". I really needed
to hear that. Because sometimes I feel like I can barely get through the day
with my sanity in tact with two kids, but if God granted me such a rare gift, I
will take it graciously and do my best. If He saw me fit, one in ten thousand to
handle this, then I can. I had been overwhelmed at the thought of having one
more regular old baby who I would push out, take home a day later with me, and
now I was having TWO babies, a high risk pregnancy, potential hospital bedrest
(which is now definite bedrest) which will mean leaving my husband and 2 small
children for 2 months and all the planning that goes with that, a C-section, and
preemies who I will not even be able to hold for a few days and who will spend
weeks in the NICU. If only I could go back and smack the me that was overwhelmed
at the thought of one more! Somehow though, this all seems a little more
special, and much more of a blessing. Onto why this blessing, also comes with
huge risk, why we need so much prayer, and why they are truly miracles. WHAT ARE
MOMO TWINS?:
One in one hundred are the
odds of a woman becoming pregnant with twins. One in TEN THOUSAND are the odds
of a woman becoming pregnant with mono mono twins. S0, say our Good Lord lines
up 10,000 women. Then, He says, "Heather Petersheim! Step forward!" I look up
and down the row of women, unable to see in either direction where they end, and
no other woman stands forward with me. I am alone but somehow know I am blessed
and that I was chosen just for this, and through this I will be used in some
way. That's how I'm choosing to look at it, because the odds for these babies
are not so good.
Mono mono twins have a 50-60%
mortality rate, and that is the first thing that is scary about all of this. I
will explain the reasons why; it's pretty scientific but I'll try to make it
simple, bear with me this is the boring part.
Fraternal twins, who are in
completely different chorionic and amniotic sacs, may be different genders and
may look completely different. They happen when two eggs are fertilized and two
placentas, one for each baby is formed. Identical twins happen later in the
fertilization cycle. All identical twins share a chorionic sac and a placenta,
and are always the same sex with the same color eyes and hair because they come
from one sperm and one egg that splits late, so they share the same DNA and that
is why they look alike. BUT, 98% of identical twins have separate amniotic sacs
within the chorionic sac. These identical twins are called mono di, and almost
all identical twins are mono di. Rarely, there will be a thin membrane
separating the identical twins, but even more rarely - and in our case (mono
mono) twins, there is absolutely nothing separating these babies from each
other. This means that as they grow and move all around in the womb, their
umbilical cords twist, tangle, knot, and compress. Not only do they share one
placenta that they depend on for their nutritional needs and oxygen, but their
cords will entangle and compress which will cut off nutriets and oxygen. This
kills one or usually both babies 50-60% of the time without aggressive medical
interventions. This is why we were praying that a membrane would be found
separating them, but there just is not one. The good news is they were not
conjoined...one day in the fertilization process can stand between momo twins
and conjoined twins.
What this means since we have no
membrane separating our babies, is that until viability outside the womb at 24
weeks, it is a watch and wait game. Mono Mono babies are usually as healthy as
any other baby, but as the cords tangle and compress with each days new acrobats
in there, the risk grows. This is why once I reach 24 weeks, I will be admitted
to the hospital on bedrest and 24/7 monitoring for 8 weeks. They will perform
Non Stress Tests multiple times a day to check the babies' heartrates, and if
they find that one or both is in stress, they will perform an immediate
emergency C-Section to get the babies out. I will get ultrasounds weekly to
watch the cord entaglement and the growth of the babies. Although there is not
much research on Momo twins because they are so rare, the research that is out
there proves that when a mother is admitted for monitoring at 24 weeks and the
babies are born via C-Section at 32 weeks, they then have a 85-90% survival
rate, which is HUGE compared to the 40-50% survival rate without aggressive
care. I'll take the aggressive care please. This means I have 11 weeks left
before I become a prisoner of a tiny hospital room! Then, hopefully we can make
it safely to 32 weeks, when I will get a C-Section and the babies will spend a
few weeks in the NICU.
There are lots of other concerns
with twin pregnancies in general, which is why they are all considered "high
risk", but the other main concern with identical twins is called Twin to Twin
Transfusion Syndrome. This happens in 20% of identical twin pregnancies, not
just momo pregnancies. Because identical twins share a placenta, the blood flows
through both cords and both babies. With TTTS, one baby, the "donor's" blood
flows through them into the other baby, "the recipient" in surplus. One baby
gets all the oxygen and nutrients and blood. You would think this means that
baby is super healthy, but not so. With TTTS, usually both babies die, one from
anemia and the other from heart and brain problems. So we also are praying that
the babies do not develop TTTS which can happen at any time. Occasionally when
this or Inrauterine Growth Restriction, another problem, happen then one baby
dies and one lives. Sometimes you are recommended to terminate a baby who will
most likely not make it and is risking the other's life. This is a decision I do
not want to face.
Beyond all this, I was diagnosed
with a stomach condition the same day I found out I was having twins, and
it causes me a lot of severe pain and the diet that helps with the pain is not
the healthiest diet for twins in utero. More on that another
time...
Well
that is long enough my friends. Now you know way more about this whole scenario
than necessary but if you care, thanks for caring :) I will try to blog every
few weeks with updates. THANK YOU for your prayers and encouragement and support
and thoughts!
