Life at Home with our Little Angels

Well for obvious and wonderful reasons I have not had much time to update this blog but no news is good news in this case :) Ava and Aubrey came home after just 3 short weeks in the NICU. They came home at 35 weeks which is amazing and we were so blessed that they didn't have any setbacks! Through that week it was touch and go with whether just one would come home or both, but it was amazing to be able to bring both home together! The day was crazy and we didn't get home until 8:00 that night, but what a joy to be able to place the babies in the arms of their big sisters!!

I must say, in my mind I was prepared for what an extremely difficult thing I thought having twins would be. My oldest daughter was extremely colicky with severe reflux as a baby, and she cried ALL. DAY. LONG. And, all night too. It was very difficult. When my second daughter came along, she seemed much easier, but neither of them would let me lay them in a swing or bouncy seat. They both screamed if they weren't held. When you have a baby with reflux, letting them "cry it out" doesn't work because that results in one of two things. 1) The baby projectile vomiting all over and creating more work, wash, etc... or 2) The baby turns blue and stops breathing she is so worked up and gagging. My husband and I spend 5 months straight bouncing on an exercise ball with Emma to keep her calm and happy. All of this being said, when I tell you that we used to often say, "Having twins would be easier than this", when THAT actually happened I wondered if I would eat my words. But it's true! These babies are so easy and very content. So far at least! The fact that they let us put them down in their swing/bouncy seats for large chunks of time is amazing! Of course I wish I could just snuggle them most of the day, but with 2 older kids to take care of and a house to keep up with, what a huge blessing to have content easy babies! They are, together, indeed our easiest yet!

They love to snuggle together in the same swing and I wonder what will happen when they get too big to fit in there together, hehe :) Yesterday when I got them out of the swing (they contentedly laid in there for 3 hours which allowed me to clean up, make breakfast, pump, get dressed and wash my face etc...) Ava's hair was all sticky and wet and matted down on one whole side of her head and I realized it was because Aubrey had been licking her sister's head! Occasionally something extra super cute happens, like they hold hands!!

Ava is our more content one. She is like her mama in the fact that she loves her sleep. She sleeps much more peacefully and longer than Aubrey. Ava "calls" less in the middle of the night. She also doesn't eat quite as much or as vigorously as Aubrey. That is where Aubrey is like her mama - she LOVES to eat and she does it a lot! Aubrey is the more fussy one, even though she is quite content overall. She has her eyes open much more often, looking all around and taking it in. She "calls" much more in the middle of the night and needs more snuggles from us. In my tummy Aubrey was the one who was always moving and I always said I don't know when she slept. I rarely felt Ava move. So it is funny that now it remains the same - Ava is the sleepyhead and Aubrey is the wakey pants.

Everyone asks how we tell them apart. The answer to that is that we don't!!! We left Ava's hospital bracelet on her ankle, but this week she outgrew it so we painted her big toenail pink to tell who is who. Although they had been home for 2 weeks, last week I noticed that Aubrey has a teeny pink blood vessel showing through her one eyelid and not many people see it but I do and can tell them apart that way now. Try that in the middle of the night though. There is a lot of "who do you have?", "I have the one in dots", "the one in the striped blanket pooped." etc...!!

The babies are the softest, cutest, tiniest little things and I am so thankful for them and for what the journey with them has taught us. Each and every time I hold them and look at them I still cannot believe this happened to me, that my body created this, that God chose us, and that I have twins!!! I am soooooo excited for life with them, and with all my girls! I look forward to watching them grow and see who they look like, whether they will have blonde or brown hair, blue or brown eyes. I look forward to sleeping through the night again too!

At the doctor this week, Ava weighed 5.8 pounds and Aubrey 5.14, so they are up 2 pounds since they were born. Still super tiny, they are getting some chubs on their thighs and they outgrew (by length) their first preemie outfit! Preemie diapers are now actually fitting them and not swallowing them. It is crazy to think that they have been with us for 6 weeks but they still wouldn't be born yet until December 11th!!!

The biggest challenges have of course been the night time, the babies not nursing because they are used to a bottle from the NICU plus my supply being low, and Abigail adjusting to sharing my attention. My husband is so great and takes a few hours at night to let me sleep. My mom comes over almost every day to let me nap and she keeps up with my wash and does odd jobs here and there, and occasionally takes the big girls overnight to get some attention and fun without the babies. I am so blessed to have help. I have been so content and happy and have only had one or two moments where I felt close to tears and frazzled. For 6 weeks with 4 kids under 5 I think that's pretty remarkable! At night when one is content and asleep the other is fussy and awake sometimes and that is really challenging but I know it is only for a season. I also pump since the babies won't nurse, and bottle feeding plus pumping is very time consuming but I refuse to settle for anything less than the absolute best for these babies especially since as preemies their nutritional and immunity needs are greater.

We have had a few other challenges aside from the babies since they have been home, things like the heater in the house going, the transmission in a car going etc..., but when you get through something like we just did and look at the two tiny miracles in front of us, it puts so much in perspective and things that would have seemed so big seem so small. We are so blessed and so thankful!

A Little Stronger Every Day

I cannot believe that three weeks have passed since I had Ava and Aubrey! Time certainly has flown by, but overall through this whole experience it went fast. My babies have done exceptionally well and have exceeded my expectations! I was more worried about NICU complications than anything I had to worry about, and their stay has been picture perfect. I almost want to pinch myself. After a week, they came off of their oxygen and IV's and this week they "graduated" into the annex, a room outside of the NICU that is for babies who are just feeding and growing!  They began taking bottles and Aubrey came off of her feeding tube - that yucky old thing that goes down their little noses into their bellies that they pull out constantly and have to get put back in. Seeing her precious little face with not a single thing on it was so awesome!!! Ava needs to do a better job finishing her bottles and then she will be able to come off of hers too.

Tonight was our first attempt at breastfeeding. I have been pumping milk and taking it to them for their bottles since they were born, but a baby is not capable of suck/breathe/swallow until 34 weeks at the earliest and they had to get some bottles first. With my older girls, breastfeeding was very challenging for me at first so I was kind of nervous about breastfeeding the twins. First up was Ava, and she latched right on like a pro and nursed like a little champ! Next it was Aubrey's turn and she too sucked away like she's done it all her little life. It was such an incredible moment and feeling, to be nourishing my babies and watch them succeed yet again! To look down at them and feel them feeding from me instead of a plastic pump was so rewarding and satisfying!

I have kind of had this weird feeling since I had them that I am still pregnant or something because I am still waiting for them in a way - waiting for them to come home. When I visit them sometimes it feels like they are not mine yet, and in some ways they aren't because I have to leave them. I only get to be with them an hour or two a day and someone tells me what I can and cannot do. I feel like I am still waiting to "have my babies". Nursing them tonight, I felt like they were MINE. I could see them coming home for real. I could imagine those middle of the night cries that only I can quiet. I love that they have their mommy. Everything in the NICU is so sterile and plastic and medical - including the gloved hand that usually feeds them from a plastic bottle. To see them snuggled in my arms, against my skin, nursing felt like heaven to me and I know to them it did too! And the best part is we are just DAYS away from them really being 100% all mine :)

The doctor tonight told me that the twins have soared through and will go home in the next week, with Aubrey potentially going home in just days!! We have to first get training sessions on CPR and the monitors that they will need to go home on. These monitors are attached to cords that stick onto their bellies to alert us if their heart rates or oxygenation go dangerously low. It will be just a bit of an inconvenience, but very welcome in my opinion because I will not worry as much if they are ok. The babies also have to pass the carseat test, where they have to sit for 90 minutes in their carseats without having "events" with their breathing or heartrates. Once Ava takes her bottles better and gets her feeding tube out she can come home too! It was so weird having babies and coming home from the hospital empty handed. To fold their tiny wash and put it away but have them not here. I am SOOOO excited they are coming home! No more never seeing my husband because when he gets home from work I go into NICU. Our whole family will be together for the holidays. That is the only gift I need!

Another exciting thing happened this week with the babies' move into the NICU annex. Unlike the regular NICU, there is a window in the Annex, and Emma and Abigail FINALLY got to see their baby twin sisters! We have all waited for this moment and I didn't think they would get to see their sisters until they came home. I knew Emma was excited but Abigail usually cries out of jealousy when she sees me holding other babies so I wasn't sure how she would respond.  As soon as the curtain opened, just inches and some glass between the four girls, Abby and Emma had immediate giant smiles and twinkling eyes as they stared at their baby sisters. I could lightly hear them through the glass and they were singing twinkle twinkle little star to the babies, Abby repeating after Emma. I heard Emma say, "Aren't you babies just so blessed to have a wonderful big sister like me?". Then later at night Abby said a couple of times, "I saw baby Ava today!". Emma and Abigail are little buddies these days and it just melts my heart! They say the cutest things to each other and I am  really glad they have each other. I like this even number amount of kids thing - everyone has someone :)

Listening to the nurses talk tonight, they were saying how the babies in the Annex are all doing so well and that it is not the case in the regular NICU, there are a lot of babies who are not doing so well. My heart breaks for those mothers and babies, and I feel so very blessed my babies are doing well.

 

Driving home the other night, even though I am always so sad to leave my babies, I felt such a peace that everything in my life is perfectly in place and all is as it should be. My drive is about 35 minutes, and I love where I live. I love watching city turn to country with my country music playing. I love my small town, even if in high school we called it "the potpie curtain". I love that there is only one stoplight in the whole town, that the grocery store is the smallest of any I know around, and that it is surrounded by fields. I love that my kids will go to school where I did and that the man in the hardware store knows me by name. I love that this is where God put us to raise our 4 daughters. At the beginning of all this when we were told these babies were boys, I thought that 2 girls and 2 boys was the perfect family, but now I think these 4 girls are the perfect family. Being home with my big girls has been so fun too. We trick or treated twice and have kept busy with crafts, books, snuggles, and movies. I am so thankful to be out of the hospital for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas!

I sing to the babies when I am in there, usually Twinkle Twinkle, You are My Sunshine, and Jesus Loves Me among others. The first week I could only hum because for some reason when I would sing I would start to cry. Now I can sing, and actually finish a song. When I was singing Jesus Loves Me to them the other day, "they are weak but He is strong" stuck out like a sore thumb among the lyrics of all the songs I was singing. So true. My babies are the tiniest, frailest, weakest and most vulnerable human beings right now. Weaker than they will ever be in their whole lives probably. But their God, my God, your God - He is so strong. Stronger than anything this world can bring. Because He is strong, I was able to be strong throughout my pregnancy and hospital stay. My strength is derived from Him alone and I am so grateful to have had my faith through all of this. He is strong, and my babies are in His care, in His will. My babies are showered with prayer from hundreds of amazing and caring people. They are weak, but He is strong. How amazing. And they get less weak and more strong every day.

The Birth of Ava and Aubrey

My beautiful little momo miracles are here! In my last few blogs if you remember I was tortured about the decision between delivering at 32 or 34 weeks, and at first even the doctors were not sure or in agreement. When they decided 32 weeks, I felt as at peace as I could and agreed...but our babies had other plans anyway!! Our one day early birds :) This blog is a long one (aren't they all?) because I haven't had the chance to really write!

It was just one day before my scheduled 32 week C-Section. The morning started like any other morning during my two month stay in the hospital. I woke up thinking, "My last full day pregnant! Tomorrow I have my babies!" My excitement was paired with a touch of nervousness as I wondered what the C section would be like, how hungry I would be since I woudn't be able to eat or drink from the night before, and picturing my mom and James by my side watching the babies come into the world. I hoped my 10am time would not get bumped back because I just wanted it overwith. As I wondered about that next day, I had breakfast, got dressed, did some hamster wheel laps, and then got on the monitor. Same old. Between two nurses they couldn't get the babies to stay on - which was really nothing out of the ordinary and had been an issue on and off the whole hospital stay because the babies moved so much. After little success, the nurses decided to have a Resident come with the ultrasound machine to find the babies so they could get them on the monitor good. Once they found them, the resident held one monitor on baby A and the other nurse held another monitor on baby B. My lunch tray had arrived and I was hungry and since I had the gestational diabetes I ate a bowl of soup while I layed there to ward off becoming symptomatic. I was watching Rachel Ray, then The View. The resident and nurse every once in awhile would say that baby A was having decels. This also was nothing new really, the babies always had some decels due to the cord compression. After a couple though, I could tell on their faces that they were getting a bit concerned and they began counting the decels and how long they lasted. The resident said she was just going to go call my Doctor just to let him know...

Next thing I know, minutes later, my doctor was there in my room, standing at the foot of my bed and said, "So how about we have some babies today? They need to come out. Now. We cannot wait until tomorrow." My heart started racing, which the monitor picked up and started dinging! A million thoughts raced through my head. I had always known, every time I went on the monitor this could and probably eventually would happen but on this day, one day before we were scheduled, it didn't even cross my mind. Were my babies ok? How bad was this? Would they survive until they got them out and them getting them out? Would James be able to make it here in time? My mom? It was just ONE DAY before the scheduled section, was this for real?? And so many more racing thoughts and questions. With two nurses, a resident, and the dr. all looking at me, I of course said, "Ok?!" followed by multiple questions I rattled off to the nurses as the doctor left to get ready. He had told me to call my husband and mom right away, but he wasn't sure if the anesthesiologist was going to put me completely to sleep due to the urgency and the fact that I had eaten, and if he did then nobody would be allowed in the C Section. Of course I wanted to just get my babies out healthy, but I felt crushed that one day early and I would be put to sleep and not experience any of it with my loved ones by my side. As the nurses scurried around, getting an IV in my arm etc, I was asking some of the less important million questions in my mind: "Can I pee quick? (I had been laying on the monitor for over an hour and was about dying!) Can I brush my teeth? Can I drink some water quick? (That soup made me parched!) When will we know if I have to be put to sleep?" And I was shaking trying to call James and my mom and quick post on facebook to ask for prayer from all the wonderful people who I knew were praying for us!

The answers to my questions were, No, I couldn't get out of bed to pee, drink, brush my teeth, or anything else. They whisked me, in my bed, down to labor and delivery where I was quickly prepped and met James. He was thankfully at work, which is 20 minutes closer to the hospital than if he were at home, plus he didn't have the kids so that aspect was far less complicated. My dad couldn't find my mom though, she was at the mall with my big girls and had no phone reception and was not answering. I told James if my mom didn't make it that my mother in law could come in if she wanted, since she was on her way already. The doctor told me that they would just do a spinal so I could stay awake and have James in with me. Whew!

 I went in alone to get the spinal, rolled over, and they wasted NO time. All of a sudden I just felt all this tugging, and within a minute or two heard the tiniest gargly cry and "Baby A! Girl!" then just seconds later "Baby B! Nuchal Cord! Girl!" and another weak little cry. They were out already?!  Happiness and relief and wonder and sheer amazement. Followed by wondering where was my husband??? Where was my mom??? Why aren't they in here? Why didn't anyone get them? All of a sudden they came barging in and James looked over the curtain waiting for the babies to come out...I told him they had already been born and to go look in the bassinets surrounded by the NICU team each baby was assigned to. He took pictures of each baby girl to show me and watched the NICU work on the babies' breathing. They let him cut one of the cords.

Speaking of cords, the reason half of momo's die is due to the inevitable knots and twists that cause compression in the cords of the babies since there is no separation by membrane in a mono mono pregnancy. Our cords tell the story of the MIRACLE of life these babies are. The GRACE of GOD and the blessing of my inpatient stay and the monitoring session that caught the decels in Ava that morning. Decels from the knots that were cutting off her oxygen and nutrient supply. Just ONE morning before I was scheduled. Furthermore, Aubrey's cord was around her neck (nuchal cord). Had I not been inpatient in the hospital, my precious babies would have died. Looking at the giant knot of knots that their umbilical cords were, it is beyond amazing that they made it, and that they made it as far as they did. This is not even just one little knot...it is knots within knots - although all it takes to kill a baby is one little knot.

At 31 weeks and 6 days old, our Ava Mae was born at 2:37pm and weighed 3 lbs. 9 oz and was 16 and a half inches long. Aubrey Elle was born second, also at 2:37pm and weighed 3 lbs. 8 oz and was 16 inches long. They are so so so beautiful and perfect in every way. Mae is after my grandmother, and Elle is after my husband's father, Elmer, who passed away 5 years ago. My first impression was that they look so much like my oldest daughter Emma, and my husband. The babies weights were exactly what maternal fetal medicine estimated at my last ultrasound just a few days before the delivery! Crazy!

Before each babies' team rushed them up to NICU, I got to see each baby girl face to face. I waited and waited and there they were, so tiny and quiet and precious - and MINE, and ALIVE - just inches from my face. I was almost afraid to breathe on them or to touch them! Through that whole 2 months in the hospital I wondered if I would be able to hear them cry or see them before they were taken to NICU. The fact that I experienced both was so awesome and exceeded my expectations! I was grateful James was at least there while I got stitched back together, and I chatted to Emma a bit too! I wished my mom could have been there, and that James and her would have been sitting there watching each baby come out into the world, but the bottom line is that this was an emergent C Section - my babies were born in the SAME MINUTE, and they are survivors - beautiful and healthy. That is what truly matters.

 

After 2 hours in recovery they wheeled my bed into the NICU to see the babies. James got to hold one and I held the other. I really don't remember this I was so drugged from the morphine!! Thank goodness there are pictures if it.  I could barely keep my eyes open I remember that! The NICU was actually full, but since I was a patient for 2 months they promised to keep my babies instead of shipping them off to St. Christopher's in Philly and I was SO grateful for that! So the babies ended up in a small room off of the NICU which was actually kind of private and more quiet.

 

It all happened so quickly and suddenly, out of nowhere, and suprised us all! I had no time to lose sleep, agonize, worry, dream, or anything. In this sense it was good! It was also nice for me that I got to have that bowl of soup and still stay awake for the C Section. Most of all, I am so grateful for the fact that the babies and God decided on their own - 32 weeks and 34 weeks aside - and I will never ever have to carry the burden or worry that the doctors or I may have made the "wrong" decision in choosing 32 weeks. It happened on it's own, and just ONE day early so it didn't compromise on the babies gestational development. I had 3 rounds of steriods in me and it really couldn't have happened any better. I wish there were more time for my husband to have gotten in there and see the babies be born, but other than that it was pretty sweet!

I stayed in the hospital for 4 days, James was able to be there 3 of the 4 with me, and it was so nice to be just steps up the hall from our babies and be able to go visit them whenever we wanted. I felt great the first 2 days after the C Section and was walking around good, packed my room of 2 months up, and began pumping milk for the babies. By day 3 and 4 I was in considerable pain but was still grateful to be as close as possible to the babies. The day we left, I cried leaving the babies - real crying, more than ever through this journey so far. All morning just the thought of driving away from the hospital, and them, filled my eyes with tears. I didn't want to leave them. In my mind I knew it would be hard but I never knew how hard it would be. I expected to be way more excited to be busting out of the hospital after so long and go home to my house and my big girls and my husband but my heart was just broken. Halfway through the drive home, as I looked at the fall scenery and city change to country I started to feel a little better (I think my Starbucks Pumpkin Latte helped too). I just tried to keep telling myself they are in the best hands, and they are ALIVE. I could be driving away from a much worse situation. They were created by God as Momo twins, and their destiny was death or an early birth and weeks in the NICU. This is how it is supposed to be and they are in the best situation for their situation.

Pulling up to MY HOUSE, the colorful mums James had planted while I was gone, and pumpkins on the porch put a smile in my heart. The door opened and Emma and Abby yelled, "MOM!" with huge smiles plastered on their precious little faces, I walked in to hugs and kisses galore. Abby said, "Mom! You home from hops-it-awl! Yayy!" and she kept saying it over and over (and she still keeps saying it over and over). Emma kept staring at me and hugging and kissing me and saying she was so glad I was home. My mom had my house cleaned up a bit and my fall decorations out, pumpkin candles burning. It felt SO good to sit on my sofa after sitting in a hospital bed for so long. My kitchen, my bed, my shower, my yard. Oh my goodness I cannot express to you how good coming home to THIS LIFE, my life, felt! We had picked up a pizza from Pizza Hut, and sat down at the dining room table. Looking around it at the faces I love looking back at me with big smiles was just the most incredible feeling. Knowing there will soon be 2 more spots filled at that table, and dreaming of all the family dinners and memories that will happen there with our complete family is just the best feeling. Snuggling with my older daughters in some way helped ease the sadness of missing my babies I left behind. And then naptime, in MY BED with my soft cozy covers and my wonderful husband by my side. I am SO GLAD TO BE HOME!!!! And yet so very grateful for the experience God gave to me, lessons learned, and the fact that my babies lives were saved by that long hospital stay.

Ava and Aubrey are now 10 days old, and are doing well. They breathe the same air you and I do, they got taken off of their CPap breathing machines about a week after birth. I was so thankful a few days ago when they were able to lose their IV's. That was the hardest part for me because their tiny veins kept blowing day after day and each time we would visit, the IV would be in a new spot and most recently in their tiny little heads. The nurse said it took up to an hour to try to get the IV's into a vein. As an adult I know how that feels and to think of such tiny frail beings having to go through that, without me to hold or comfort them just crushed me daily. That on top of bloodwork, x-rays, and the other things they go through. But you know what? All these things save their sweet little lives! And it was just a week and my little fighters were able to come off of all of that! They pulled the cpap out of their noses so often that they had to keep getting it retaped to their faces and their skin was red and peeling off. I am so thankful for medical technology and yet so glad they didn't need much of it for that long!

They now just have their monitors on to measure their oxygenation and heartrates, and a tube that goes down their nose into their stomach for their feeds. In a week or so they can begin to be bottle fed but with preemies, the suck/swallow/breathe thing takes quite a bit of time and practice. Once they get that down pat and come out of their incubators and can keep their own temperatures, then they can come home. We still have a few weeks ahead of us but they are doing great. Our only setback has been some jaundice and Ava had some stomach problems but they held a feed and her x-rays and bloodwork came back fine. Their brainscans showed no brain bleeds. Also, during my stay in the hospital, a crew was working on the brand new NICU extension that is super modern, cozy, and holds 8 babies. A week after Ava and Aubrey were born they cut the ribbon and opened this new NICU. Ava and Aubrey got to be two of the eight lucky babies to go into this modern and comfortable space. It is great for us, and what are the odds it would open the week my babies are born? Thanks God :)

Praise God for these miracles, and for the hands that delivered them and take care of them. I miss them every minute I am not with them. Holding them is absolute heaven, and holding them both together for the first time was absolutely one of life's greatest moments ever! It is well known that with preemies it's not over till it's over and two steps forward, one step back. Until they are home in my arms I will not rest easy 100%. But they have not ceased to amaze me, and neither has my God. I look at my husband and smile, knowing that I get to share and live this life with him and our 4 amazing, beautiful, miraculous daughters. We are blessed and my heart is so happy!

Tomorrow is Delivery Day!!!

*** I wrote this and didn't get to post it because I was whisked down to labor and delivery to have my babies a day early!! So since it was written I decided i will post it anyway, even though the babies decided to arrive fashionably early :)

Well, we've just about made it! The original goal was to get to 32 weeks, and I knew a lot of Momo mom's don't make it that far but I always felt like I would and I thankfully did. Tomorrow is delivery day, on exactly 32 weeks. What a blessing to be here :)  Of course I wish I could safely carry them to full term for another month or two but that is not possible so this is a great case scenario in my situation. I am just so grateful for and fascinated by the process of my body making 2 babies!! As a woman it was very empowering for me after the birth of my first 2 daughters. Also just fascinating and wonderful what the body and our creator can do!!! Before pregnancy and motherhood I had was more concerned with self image issues, and afterwards while I still do sometimes feel a little flabby or what have you, I felt a new sense that what my body was created to do, it did, and I respect it and am thankful for it. The whole process is just amazing. And a little extra flab or sag here and there, while not fun to look at, is just a happy reminder of the blessing of carrying little lives and being able to be their sole source of nourishment. Just awesome.

So how did we finally decide on the big when? A pastor and a friend from my church came to visit me one morning last week and prayed with me for the Doctors to have wisdom to decide on the "right" delivery day etc, and minutes after they left one of my Doctors came in and told me they all agreed and felt strongly that 32 weeks should be the day. I felt as at peace with that as I think I can, and knew that's the decision because I prayed my heart would know and it did. I can't tell you what a relief it is just to KNOW when. I think nomatter what decision would have been made, in this situation you always wonder if it is the right one and you'll never know that. My nurses tonight all said that I've dropped, and paired with the monitoring strips from this weekend they wouldn't doubt if I had gone into labor on my own in the next week or two anyway. That wouldn't be ideal with Momo twins, but it is kind of a pointer that this is right. Now it is in God's hands and I am thankful for my faith! I am also SO very thankful for all of you who have prayed for and encouraged us. This blog is up to almost 2,700 views from all over the world and it is awesome both the friends and family I have praying and rooting for us, but also those I've never even met. I am humbled by you all and so grateful.

So, my C Section is scheduled for 10am on Tuesday unless someone emergent needs one before me. I am thankful my mom and James will be there by my side and share in that amazing moment. The nurse said most babies do cry at 32 weeks when they come out and I know MY tears will start rolling then too! I am not a crier and have not cried much in here but that will be such an emotional moment. I cannot wait to see their little faces, talk to them, touch them, and hold them. I can't wait to see what their cords look like either. Will they be horribly twisted? Braided? Knotted? Or somehow miraculously not? They are going to be so teeny! At my ultrasound this past Wednesday they said that the babies are approximately 3.8 and 3.9 pounds. I just wanted them to get over 3 pounds and they are which makes me really happy. God has been so good throughout this. I know he chose James and I, Abigail and Emma, and our families and so despite the stresses, what an honor to be 1 in 10,000! It still just blows my mind.

I AM HAVING BABIES TOMORROW!!! What a mix of emotions I feel! Extreme excitement, nervousness, fear, happiness, anticipation, relief and anything else you can imagine. I am so excited that next week at this time I will be at HOME my house and my bed, to sleep next to my husband, wake up to my beautiful big girls, to be outside whenever I want and enjoy fall weather, not get stuck with a needle 6-9 times a day! I am sad I have to leave the babies behind here, but also thankful that my body will be able to heal for a bit and not be taking care of all 4 kids all at once with a fresh incision. I also hear NICU babies get put on a schedule that is convenient when they come home so I am hoping that is true, that would be great!

I am nervous for the next chapter, when they will be in the NICU knowing what can go wrong, but I try to just give that nervousness to God and not stress myself out (which I tend to be quite good at!). I have heard a lot of great stories, and a lot of not so great ones. Recently, I just had a neighbor in here who had her babies a little before 32 weeks and they have been in the NICU doing well for 3 weeks now and one was set to come home today and then they found out he actually needs a blood transfusion and had stopped eating etc... I know I have to remember that with preemies it is most often 2 steps forward, 1 step back, but I just hope our girls don't have to go through much suffering through procedures and equipment etc... I just have to have FAITH and remember that it is in God's hands, they are His too, and no matter what there is nothing I can do but pray, keep the faith, and love those babies.  I will cherish the time I get to come in and just hold them and comfort them, take care of them, nurse them and be their mommy. I am grateful for the NICU nurses who will do their best to keep them healthy and alive! They will probably be in NICU for about a month if all goes well. I think at a certain point this will all seem like just a glimmer in time.

" Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2

If you are praying for us, again, THANK YOU! Please pray for safety through the surgery, healthy babies at birth and through their NICU stay, and for adjustments to life with NICU babies and then when we bring them home. Also, I just got a third round of steroid shots to help with the babies lung development. However, the steroids make your blood sugar shoot up for about a week. Since I have gestational diabetes, this is a bit of a problem. It makes my blood sugar high, and makes the babies' blood sugar high as well (called Hypergycemia). Their bodies make insulin too and they then feed off the placenta. Once they are born, they don't have that placenta anymore to help regulate them. They are at risk for low blood sugar (Hypoglycemia) and the will have to get blood sugar pricks and probably an IV to manage it. And the diabetes also means their lungs will have less development than  if I did not have diabetes. So this is something we are praying about as well.

Hopefully I find some time to post on here after they arrive. I cannot wait to see how "identical" they look!! It is going to be so fun through life to have identical twins. Well, here we go!!!!

*** Pictures compliments of my friend Courtney who came to capture me at almost my biggest!